Toilet Bowl: “Somebody has to win it.”
AGS Fantasy Football. Image by Nick M.W.
The two worst teams in AGS dookie it out for self-respect and pride in one of Week 11’s best games.
No one wants to finish last in anything. Finishing last in Any Given Sunday fantasy football carries the added (and mild by comparison) humiliation of having your team’s name changed along with its avatar on the app. It’s not as bad as the last place penalty in some leagues, where you might have to stand out on a street corner in nothing but an adult diaper and a sign proclaiming to the world how bad you are at fantasy football. In some leagues, last place is a tattoo selected by the first place team owner, so a name change isn’t that bad by comparison, even if the name is chosen by a group of your idiotic friends. It’s how you end up with a team name like “Who’s Coming in Me?” or “Queef Swallower”. It’s humiliating, but it’s not publicly humiliating.
Queef Swallower (formerly known as Oops Babies) put on one helluva show against West Koast Voodoo, who managed to sneak out of their 0-8 hole with a couple of dandy wins. However, in Week 11, the clock struck midnight, and the Belle of the Ball turned back into a pumpkin. I realize that’s not how Cinderella went, but trust me. Voody turned back into a pumpkin. Both teams are now 2-9 and locked in a last place ménage à trois with Rudy’s Replacements. The name change is in play for all of them, so things got a bit more interesting in the gutter.
One other AGS owner sealed their consolation bracket fate while three other teams fight for the final playoff spot. The top teams shuffled the deck, but the Quan still stands alone. Regular season wins only get you in, though.
The AGS podcast drops weekly throughout the 2024 fantasy football season and highlights all of the action that takes place among the 12 teams in the world’s best fantasy football league—Any Given Sunday. In Episode 13, the Pod Squad welcomes CZ, the Captain. They reminisce about Lake Havasu trips on the Mucho Grande, and they the Week 11 matchups.
