Survival of the Illest

Image by Nick M. W.

By Emmitt Smith and Nick M. W.

Only the strong survived Week 12.

We should’ve opened the first article of this season with a brief disclaimer that stated how we understand that the way that we’re about to discuss fantasy football and our fantasy football league, Any Given Sunday, is going to be ridiculous; that the fact that we treat it as though we’re actually running a real football team suggests some sort form of delusion; and that there is a thin line between Dungeons & Dragons and fantasy football. 

It’s a weird hybrid of gambling and role-playing, but we love it. If your league is like ours, then you get it. 

We are neck deep in turbulent water. Week 12 is a wrap, Week 13 is on the horizon, a looming hurricane about to bear down on AGS. 5 teams have secured playoff spots and are going to battle for the top 2 seeds and the coveted bye week. The final playoff spot is up for grabs between 3 teams, with a guillotine hanging above their necks. Which of them walks away with their heads still attached to their bodies after Week 13?

Reactions to Week 12:

Emmitt: House of Rudy is still standing after an explosive Chargers/Cardinals game and Josh Jacobs erupts for that 86-yard touchdown for 52 points! We are still alive my guy! However, this was a team effort because YOU were involved in a thriller that would affect me! If Suganese kicker makes that 56-yard field goal, I’d be done for the season. 

Nick: What an incredible block! 

But let’s stop and take a moment to recognize the absolute monster performance Josh Jacobs had. He was Michael Myers out there, an unstoppable killer. 

Emmitt: Look Scum, this dude was phenomenal last week! He runs like Emmitt Smith to me, hitting the holes with precision and using  angles to his advantage. Man! That stiff arm was very Crimson Tide for the love of Christ! 

Scum, I swear I thought my Bleacher Report app crashed. I saw Herbert with 39 points and I was up by 25. Then, the app goes nuts with the player notifications; 52 points? I almost climaxed! Jacobs is a Replacement that’s for damn sure!

Nick: No doubt. He was a free agent this season, too, right

I shouldn’t have won that game against The Sugandese, but a probable event occurred at the right (or wrong) moment that made the impossible possible. Najee Harris got hurt, which was one of two scenarios that had to play out for me to win. The other, his kicker having a bad night, also happened. That’s the way it goes sometimes. 

I scored enough points to squeak out a 2-point win that had to break young Suga’s heart. Love it!

Another big time win for the team known as “Replacements”, but this time it didn’t require a comeback or a heart attack finish. You cruised! How good do you feel right now, Rudy?

Emmitt:  Cruised? That word is foreign in House of Rudy. I was down halfway in the third quarter of the afternoon games. It was looking very 2004 Red Sox over here, I’m not going to lie. Then Jacobs became Big Papi and broke away for the high score win! But then again, I'm not on an 8-game winning streak! Scum what the hell man, good shit! 

Nick: Thanks, Rudy. It hasn’t been easy, but here we are rolling into Week 13 at 9 - 3. 

Rebel Scum, you stood tall against the defending champ and pulled out a gritty win. The winning streak continues, and it looks like you locked up a playoff spot. 

How good do you feel right now?

Nick: I feel great knowing I’ve accomplished one goal. Now, I want a first-round bye. 

Every teams’ fate lies in the hands of the Fantasy Football Gods. They give, and they take away. What was your mindset going into Week 12 knowing that there was a lot riding on things that were out of your control?

Emmitt:  Matchups mattered last week. Check it out, I swapped Alvin Kamara for Jamaal Williams Thanksgiving morning for the 10 points. I also benched Kamara because of the matchup with my 49ers defense, and I dropped Gerald Everett for Foster Moreau that got me a much needed 10.5 points. Everything just clicked at the right time. It’s still a long shot for me to get in but I ain’t dead yet!

Nick: That’s clutch roster management. Let’s see you pull it off again this week. 

Since we’re into the last month of the year, what’s been your favorite new album to come out so far (in 2022)?

Nick: Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers was a work of art, but It’s Almost Dry is my favorite album of the year. 

Emmitt: K Dot all day! His album will never be fully understood, but it's exactly what we need right now. Lamar’s discography and his work are unmatched to me. #1 album by far, Scum. I just gave It’s Almost Dry a spin the other day. I got “Rock N’ Roll”, “Call My Bluff”, and “Let The Smokers Shine The Coupes” on my workout playlist, though. 

Nick: Kendrick is on another level. I just loved the sinister feel to Pusha-T’s album. “Let The Smokers Shine The Coupes” slaps!

What are your Top 5 holiday movies?

Nick: Ranked as follows: 5. Planes, Trains, & Automobiles; 4. Home Alone; 3. Scrooged; 2. It’s A Wonderful Life; 1. Die Hard. 

Scum, the playoff picture for AGS has five out of six spots already clinched. You are top dog tied for the best record in the league at 9. Does seeding matter to you? Is there anything to work for until the playoffs?

Nick: Seeding definitely matters when you have a chance to get a bye. I would love a week to relax and watch from the stands as the other gladiators take each other out. Rebel Scum is absolutely working to grab one of those two first round byes, and I have two chances to get at least one win, but closing out the season on a 10-game winning streak would be sick AF. 

Week 13 Predictions:

Emmitt: Like every other damn week, Rudy’s gotta win!

Nick:  The Curse is a bad man. He’s also on an 8-game smash fest, and he’s a savvy coach. He’s been out for blood since the draft when he stuck up everyone for their draft picks. I gave that dude one and a rookie contract. I’m something like a 7-point underdog, and I haven’t been an underdog since I played T. Ruth back in Week 3. The only way I win is if a couple of his dudes underperform and Rebel Scum outshine their projections. 

Oh, and he might get Jamar Chase back, and I don’t have my dog, Cooper Kupp.

With that said, I expect a high-scoring heavyweight bout. We’re the two top-scoring teams in the league, and it’s by a significant margin. This week, Rebel Scum scores more points than The Curse and keeps the winning streak rolling.