15 Years of Cheers and Tears
Team names, back row from the left: T. Ruth, The Sugandese, Rudy’s Replacements, Ambassadors of Quan, Penthouse Pimps, Rebel Scum.
Front row from the left: Palos Verdes Prime Time, New Jax City, Cebert Frogs (and the tadpole), Who’s Coming in 2nd?.
Not pictured: FU PAY ME! and The Curse.
By Emmitt Smith & Nick M. W.
Emmitt hit me up a couple of weeks ago because he wanted to write some articles. He kicked around his ideas, and we chopped it up about writing. One of his brilliant ideas was to write an article about our fantasy football league to celebrate the league’s 15th anniversary. I wanted in on that project, so we collaborated and turned it into a dialogue. Right now in 2022, most people would do this kind of thing as a podcast, but we’re sticking to a more textual experience.
It just so happens that this article is the first one to publish on our new FFP feature page, “Home Field Advantage”, which focuses on sports teams and sports stories our writers love. There’s no better way to kick off “HFA'“ than with an article about our fantasy football league; one of our true great passions in life. My cousin, Chuck, once called it, “‘Dungeons and Dragons’ for sports fans.” He nailed it.
Enjoy the highly specific conversation between two grown men-children about make believe football.
“It’s real to me, damnit!”
- Nick
We crave community. We need to belong to a group, large or small, for physical activity, or creative outlet, or social bonding, or meditative silence. Whatever it is that recharges your battery and restores your faith in humanity, there’s a chance that one of those things involves doing it with someone else. That might not be the most eloquent way to make a point, but my point is that we need our community, and those among us who lack some sense of belonging to something (positive) tend to be those of us who suffer the most. It might be why TV shows about groups of friends, like The Big Bang Theory, Seinfeld, and Cheers, and, of course, Friends, are so popular. We enjoy being part of their circle, and they authentically portray the interactions between friends.
It’s probably not a coincidence that the friends in those shows all had a spot where they posted up and kicked it. Seinfeld and his buddies had his apartment. Rachel, Monica, Chandler and the rest of the Friends gang had Central Perk, a neighborhood coffee shop. Sam Malone, Woody Boyd, Carla, Norm, and Frasier Crane had Cheers, their local bar. Nick and I, and ten other dudes, have Any Given Sunday—AGS—our beloved fantasy football league. This season marks the 15th anniversary of the league, and we held our draft in a seaside house on Mission Beach in San Diego, a magnificent location for any occasion, and the absolute tits when it comes to hosting a fantasy football draft. We weren’t the only man-children nerding out on the beach with our draft boards out, fully torqued. The idea of it all sells itself to commissioners and team owners. That was the last weekend in August. Now, after a little TNF morsel and straight up smacking of the Rams by the Bills, we ramp up for the full kickoff to the 2022 NFL season today. Nick, a.k.a. Rebel Scum, his AGS team name, and I, a.k.a. Rudy’s Replacements, look back on our 2022 draft and drafts from AGS past, our many blunders and few triumphs over the years, and a couple of league predictions.
- Emmitt
Rebel Scum and Rudy’s Replacements. Photo by Cebert Frogs (2015).
Rudy: Whaddup, Rebel Scum? What’s good with it?
Scum: Rudy, my dude! Just getting ready for this dang football season to get going.
Rudy: I hear that. Let’s jump into it then and start things off by looking back at drafts from our AGS past. We’re fifteen years deep. That’s fifteen draft weekends, some here in SoCal and some in other American hot spots. Which one of those was your most memorable draft?
Scum: Wow. That’s a great question. I missed out on the Vegas draft because I wasn’t in the league yet, and I missed out on the New Orleans draft because of work (lame excuse, I know). I’m sure either of those drafts were a lot of fun. My first AGS draft was in San Diego. I think that was the first time the draft had been held out there. That was a wild night out in the Gaslamp. I was stoked to be part of the league. That was a good one, but I think the most memorable draft was one ya’ll held at the Commish’s spot in Montclair. I wasn’t in the league yet, but I was there to hang out and bear witness to the madness. That was the first time I met you and a few of the current owners. It was a party. Easy “yes”, no hesitation whatsoever, when the Commish invited me to join the league.
Rudy: Oh snap! That draft—when was that? 2011? 2012?
Scum: Somewhere around then.
Rudy: Damn. That was the first time we met.
Scum: Yup. Wild stuff! So, what’s your most memorable AGS draft moment?
Rudy: My most memorable draft by far was in 2009. I was deployed to Bagram (Afghanistan) Air Base, and we were being heavily bombed by the Taliban. They had the “imminent attack” alarm going off like crazy, and here was Staff Sergeant Emmitt Smith, in a bunker next to a circus-colored Barnum & Bailey living quarters, persevering through it all to complete his 14-man roster. Folks were wondering, “Hey ‘E’, are those bombs we hear?”
“No, of course not. They’re actually indirect mortar rockets that are just falling where they fall. No big deal, so my 5th pick is……. Jeremy Maclin.”
BOOM!!! BOOM!!!! BOOM!!!! I had a couple of drafts like that. I was in Kuwait City in 2012. Same shit.
Scum: (choking as he laughs) Yo! That takes the cake.
Rudy: Oh, wait! Check this out! I haven’t even spoken about the very first time I drafted in AGS. I was back from a deployment in Qatar (beautiful country), at home in Long Beach, and I found myself in my sister's wedding rehearsal on the day of the draft. I was moping around, not really wanting to be there, wishing I was at the draft, asking folks, “Why am I here?”, like they could answer that question. I was supposed to be an usher, you know, showing folks to their seats, but instead I was sneaking away to the bar to make picks. It wasn’t the best method for draft day success. I think I did something stupid and reached for Drew Brees with my first round pick. Damn.
Scum: That sounds painful. Probably why you remember it so well.
Rudy: You tend to remember the moments that sting the most. Like that time I got straight up swindled by The Curse (one of the 12 teams in AGS). It's easy to get caught up in the draft day search for that super deal; that big move that will change the complexion of your team, from “nope” to “hope”. I was part of one of those super deals, but I was on the shit ass end of that deal. Dude whispered some sort of witchcraft in my ear, and before I knew it, I had traded away Antonio Brown—in his 2nd year! For a bag of Frito Lays and a breath mint. Shit, I’m still going to therapy for that ok?!
Scum: This article is like therapy, Rudy. Let the bad juju go!
Rudy: Gone.
The 2022 AGS draft board, somewhere in the late rounds. Keepers on the bottom, free agent draft picks up top. Photo by The Sugandese, 2021 AGS champion.
Scum: How did this 2022 draft go for you? Did it play out the way you thought it would?
Rudy: My team in this draft, I must say, was the most thorough team I have ever drafted. After taking a year off from AGS, I was really nervous about jumping back into the culture of FFB; yes, it’s a culture! Checking your phone everyday, giving yourself anxiety when hearing a notification about any of your players, the mind games of making that blockbuster deal and raising that championship bobblehead when it’s all said and done. Who needs that, right? Plus, the consequence of finishing in last place is that damn name and team logo change. It’s always something ridiculously offensive. Nobody wants that shit. I definitely don’t, so nailing the draft is crucial. It sets the table for the season, and I’m happy with how it went for me.
Scum: Yeah, you had a nice draft, finally. No suspect first round picks. You went with the best running back available in our league at the #1 pick, Alvin Kamara, and then you grabbed a bunch of talent all the way through, although, not without a questionable pick or two.
Rudy: Oh, you want to get into that? Questionable picks?
Scum: I know you’re not talking about me. Maybe I reached for Hockenson in the third round, but the pickens at tight end by that time are usually slim at best. Mike Williams in the first round is solid. I’m happy with that pick and with my other ones. I’m ready to rock!
Rudy: Right. Right. I was surprised to see that none of the “hardcore” Raiders fans drafted a Raider. Drafting three Las Vegas Raiders despite not being a fan of the team for the last five seasons caught me off guard. That’s the beauty of this league, though; you take things personally with your favorite or former favorite team, and it may cost you those last place consequences. So yeah man, I have Josh Jacobs, Derek Carr, and Hunter Renfrow, and I want that championship! I’m actually disappointed that such players were available with some of the hardest Raider fans in this league.
Scum: I know that was directed at me, but let’s break that down. Three other owners in our league are Raiders fans, and two of those dudes already have Raiders on their roster (we’re in a “keeper” league, so we get to retain a certain number of players from season to season). Davante Adams and Darren Waller were off the board before the draft begins. I started the draft with three running backs on the roster, so taking another in any of the first three rounds seemed unnecessary. Plus, I was missing my second round pick and my fourth. I needed pass catchers and a QB. However, I wasn’t going to take Derek Carr that high. I ended up with Rodgers, and I hope I don’t regret it.
Rudy: Oh, you probably will. Carr is in for an electric season.
Scum: Yeah, I think so, too, but I didn’t have the huevos to make the pick that early. Outside of your team, who do you think will make some noise this season?
Rudy: Well Scum, we’ve had our battles when it’s come to consolation games, so I'm always checking your roster, seeing how good your team is! I see you Eckler and Kupp! But overall, the Ambassador of Quan wants that chip badly, and I think his team is very good.
Scum: Quan has a talented roster, for sure. You’ve got a bunch of talent. Sugandese, the reigning champ, will be tough. Frogs and NJC always find a way to compete. Someone has to have a letdown, though.
Rudy: Or all those teams make the playoffs, and the same ol’ stinky shit at the bottom of the league remains.
Scum: Since we’ve both been there, and we’ve never been crowned champs, let’s hope for a Super Bowl matchup this season, so we can run this back!
Rudy: I’m with that! What was it like for you when you joined this league back in 2013? You had to take over someone else’s mess.
Scum: Yeah, that was a rough entry point. The previous owner, God rest his soul, didn’t know jack about managing a winning fantasy football team. I had to do some heavy rebuilding. The first season was awful, but within a season I finished with the best record in the league. Then, I was bounced in the semifinals. It’s been up and down ever since. I got bounced in the semis again last season, and I’m looking to destroy all my opponents this season, all the way to the top!
Rudy: I respect your ambition. Hope you lose. Was there a trade that you regret making?
Scum: There are a couple of trades I regret not making. Like, why didn’t I approach you about Antonio Brown? Apparently, all someone had to do was inquire about him, and he could have been theirs! I also regret not taking up PVPT on his Derek Henry offer. Dude was ready to bail on King Henry two seasons in (sound familiar), and I could’ve had one of the league’s best running backs.
Rudy: Brutal.
Scum: No doubt! What does AGS mean to you, Rudy?
Rudy: I’ve been out of the military for 8 years, and I still feel a sense of camaraderie, loyalty, brotherhood, longevity, and family. It has been a blast ever since I had that first draft at my sister’s wedding rehearsal. I mentioned that I took last season off, but I’m so glad to be back in it again this year!
Scum: Indeed. We talk a lot of shit to each other, but that’s the barometer for friendship in AGS. The league provides a lot of laughs, possibly some tears, definitely a few sleepless nights, and some outstanding camaraderie. Long live AGS!
