Two Giant Yule Logs
’Tis the season of bad movies.
Netflix puts out a lot of unhinged holiday movies, let’s see how two of them stack up.
Lindsay Lohan and Lacey Chabert played frenemies in the 2004 version of Mean Girls. Since then, they have become staples of Netflix holiday movies. In fact, I had no idea how many holiday movies Netflix puts out each year, and how many starred the two women.
I decided it might be fun to watch some of these holiday movies to see if maybe there was a hidden gem. After watching Lohan’s Our Little Secret, and Chabert’s Hot Frosty (yes, that’s the real title), I quickly realized that these festive films were the glittery reindeer poop in the hall of great holiday films. If there were holiday movie turds to be had, these two yule logs would fit the bill.
Let’s begin with Our Little Secret. I want to start off by saying that I’m happy for Lohan and her transformation from troubled young starlet to a seemingly well-adjusted Christmas movie queen. Sadly, though, her acting hasn’t progressed over the years. She has this weird, staccato way of speaking, which is the same way she delivered lines in her earlier movies. It’s not to say that she’s a bad actress, but she lacks the warmth that this holiday movie should have had.
In fact, the whole movie lacked any truly festive spirit. The premise is that Lohan’s character, Avery, is suddenly reunited with her longtime ex boyfriend Logan when they both show up to the same house for the holidays. Avery is dating Cameron, who is the brother of Cassie, and Cassie is dating Logan. I know, it’s a confusing conundrum.
The beginning of the film goes into great detail about how Avery and Logan grew up together, fell in love, and almost got engaged. Yet the on screen connection between Lohan and Ian Harding, who plays Logan, is severely lacking. They seem more like two coworkers who barely like each other than a romantic partnership that supposedly ran deep.
In all honesty, this film could’ve taken place at any time in the year, not just Christmas. It didn’t feel like a holiday movie despite the overdone sets full of Christmas trees, holiday lights, and gift giving because of the generic plot.
Now on to Hot Frosty. Boy, oh boy, where to start with this one? The plot must’ve come from a fever dream because it was truly insane. Chabert plays Kathy, a young widow in a small town. One magical night she puts a scarf on a hunky snowman, makes a wish, and then VOILA! The hunky snowman becomes a man named Jack Snowman and the two fall in love… after like two weeks. Jack also becomes a real man at the end, so he and Kathy can finally bone without him melting!
Here’s where Hot Frosty has the upperhand on Our Little Secret. Chabert is genuinely a good actress, albeit in a film that’s a total dumpster fire. I guess all her years on the show Party of Five really taught her well. Her emotions and line delivery are much more heartfelt and emotional than Lohan’s; I mean, she has real tears in her eyes when she thinks Jack is going to die from overheating.
Not only that, but Hot Frosty can only take place during the holiday season. Christmas time is a time when youngsters let their imaginations run free with thoughts of a bearded fat man delivering gifts, so why not suspend belief that a sexy ass snowman can come to life, too?
So, if I had to choose the better movie of the two, and “better” is being kind, I would have to say that Hot Frosty takes the Christmas cookie. If you’re looking for some totally mindless holiday entertainment, try Hot Frosty, or watch Our Little Secret. It really doesn’t matter which one you choose because they’re both, ya know, yule logs.