Parity

Image by Nick M. W.

By Emmitt Smith and Nick M. W.

As the BYE weeks start rolling in, the AGS contenders look to separate themselves from the consolation scrubs.

“After Week 5, the AGS landscape could look a lot different.” 

I called it last week. The ebb and flow of a fantasy football season is part of what makes this game so addictive. Start slow, get hot, catch a weird loss, get a big win. Waste a waiver pick on a defense you never start, look like a noob. Snag a league-winner off the wire and get praised for your genius. In Week 4, I took an “L” in a brutal loss against fellow weekly contributor Emmitt and his Rudy’s Replacements. It was an incredible late-game win, fueled by the 49ers nasty defense. This week—Week 5—the tides changed. Rebel Scum was in a flow state and put up the high score for the week while the Replacements suffered a tough loss in a must-win situation. The silver-lining for the Replacements is that every week is a must-win situation for every team in AGS until their playoff ticket has been punched. Six weeks into the season means there’s still plenty of time for the flow to ebb and for teams to continue their climb or descend further into the “Realm of Consolation”, or worse.

What does Week 6 have in store for fantasy managers worldwide? The first of those pesky BYE weeks has landed. They buzz around in the early weeks loud enough so you notice them. Before you know it, they’re all over you, draining your season’s life force.

There are no undefeated teams left in AGS. Most teams share a 2 - 3 record. Three teams are tied for the best record in the league at 4 - 1. A couple are a loss away from .500; a couple more are dragging ass with only one win to their name. No one is mathematically eliminated from the playoffs yet, but a few teams could be playing to stay out of last place by this time next week. Navigating the BYEs, all nine of them, through the end of the season with a winning record is no easy task, but that’s the road every champion must walk.  

Reactions

Emmitt: You know Scum, this week felt like that Jay-Z song, “It was all good just a week ago”. I swear Justin Herbert left so many points on the field again it’s not even funny! The time I need him to meet his average, it costs me a win I so desperately needed! Christian Kirk beamed himself up to the wrong damn game because my guy didn’t show up for shit, and Herbert’s tight end, Gerald Everett, was ninja smoke as well with an ironclad score of half-a-point! Josh Jacobs almost gave me another comeback win, scoring 30.5 points, but even Derek Carr put a damper on all that potential happiness by choking away another drive in the closing minutes. Yep, I’m in the 1 - 4 hole, right on schedule.

Nick: 1 - 4. 2 - 3. These records are not much different. In the next nine games, you have to at least go 6 - 3 to have a shot at the playoffs. To your point about Josh Jacobs, though. The Raiders needed a yard to get the first down on their final drive, and they threw passes on the 3rd and 4th downs. Nevermind the clown shit that happened on that final play; Jacobs had been running through that Chiefs D-line all night. He should have been given the ball on at least one of those last two downs.

This week, several owners made the trip out to the jewel of the Inland Empire. What was it like to watch the games with a few of the guys?

Nick: It’s great no matter where we get together to watch the games. More AGS owners used to kick it together to watch the games in years past, before our schedules got bogged down with youth sports and weekend work. That was always a good time because of the non-stop chatter.

Emmitt: House of Scum is always a great visit! Getting together with a few of the owners for some shit-talking I look forward to a lot. I was able to see the Commissioner of the league come out even for the early game, damn! Plus, I know Cebert contributed to this week’s recap so I’m sure there were some interesting things to say about his loss to you. I'm sure.

Nick: Toads have thick skin. A 36.5 loss barely registers. But let’s hear from Cebert Frogs owner Lennon Cooper on his Week 5 matchup.

Frogs, you have 4 titles; you probably own one of if not the best overall record of any AGS franchise; you've tasted the sweet flavors of victory often...how surprised are you that a title-less scrub (Rebel Scum) gave it to you so raw this past week?

Lennon:  I was a 30-Point Dog, not surprised at all. We’ve been waiting for Austin Ekeler to start rolling, and I caught him at his 2022 peak! Combine his performance with my biggest AGS regret (allowing Cooper Kupp to walk away in free agency in 2021), and my Cuisses de Grenouille were toast. For the record, we own the #1 Overall Record in AGS History, 142-85 (63% Winning Percentage).

Nick: If you don’t have some sort of trade or draft or roster cut regret, then you must have never played fantasy football. 

After last week’s win, with the BYE weeks starting, and with the trade deadline approaching, do you feel you need to make a trade?

Nick: I’ve been thinking about this. Good question…no, I don’t, and if I did, I don’t have much to make a deal with. Any trade I make would probably just make my team weaker. I’m limited by some dead weight on my roster in the form of one Justin Fields rookie contract and by the season-ending injury to Javonte Williams. With these rookie contracts, I could have packaged him in a deal for a QB upgrade. Maybe I still can. It’s a “playoffs or bust” move.

Biggest surprise of the week:

Nick: Aaron Jones underperformed in a situation that seemed favorable. Did it matter? No, but I like to see the big guns go “boom” when the matchup is juicy. 

Emmitt: Detroit losing 29-0 to New England affected Jamaal Williams, giving me only five points. On top of that, Christian Kirk had one catch on the day. See here’s the thing, I hate losing by a little margin because then you start to build up this fantasy animosity towards the players. I tend to punish myself by adding and subtracting from the score if I had second thoughts on a player I benched; especially if that substitution could have gotten me the win!

Throwing it back to Frogs, your next 3 games are against the defending champ Sugandese, Rudy, and the Ambassador of Queefs. How do you see things shaking out for you by Week 8?

Lennon: Hopefully .500 or better, but AGS is tough. Every team has a chance to win every week, even absentee owners like Jimmy. Losing by “#1.5” to Owumi in Week 4 is going to haunt me. 

Rudy, were there any roster moves you thought long and hard about before the Week 5 matchup, or was this roster set early in the week?

Emmitt: Well I thought I was prepared when I benched Pittman on TNF. When he didn’t meet his average I felt like I made a good decision. I also was going back and forth in starting three running backs. Overall, I can live with the roster moves I made. But, for real I need these damn wins brother! 

How do you build on the momentum of such a definitive win, Scum?

Nick: Set the perfect roster every week and hope no one else on my roster gets hurt. Piece of cake. 

There is still a lot of season left. How do you feel about your chances of making the playoffs?

Nick: I won’t feel good about those chances until I make the playoffs. I’ve rosterbated over fictitious wins that never manifested before, and it did me no favors. Playoffs?

I need to worry about this week.

Emmitt: Can’t afford too many losses at this portion of the season man! A lot of things have gotta go my way in order for me to grab one of those six spots. I’m a little bit worried, but I know things will get better. 

Predictions for your Week 6 matchup?

Emmitt:  Rudy’s gotta win!

Nick: That depends on whether Cooper Kupp is healthy enough to go. I’m facing Who’s Coming in Second?, and they’re sneaky. I think Kyler Murray is going to have a big game against the Seahawks, and that bodes well for Owumi’s team. I think my roster is better, but that doesn’t always mean the win. If Kupp is in, though, I like my chances.

Frog, for 15 Years, you have guided this league as its commissioner. What are some of your memorable moments in this league's history?

Lennon: Going back-to-back is up there! Only franchise to accomplish the feat thus far. There are a ton of great memories: Rudy drafting from Afghanistan is up there; the original and improbable “#1.5” game against NJC; but the best memories are the relationships we’ve been able to form and the adventures we’ve experienced together. My original team name was Whoop That Trick, taken from the 2005 classic by a rapper named DJay out of Memphis, TN. After a few losing seasons, and a trip to Senór Frogs in Nassau, Bahamas—with Victoria’s Secret (a former owner and champion), I Got Dis (RIP), FU Pay Me, T.RUTH, and Captain Hook (another former owner and champion)—the franchise changed its name to Cebert Frogs, and a dynasty was born! 

We’ve done some really dope shit together throughout the years: Gaslamp Quarter Captain Hook, HK Leche, partying like rockstars in Vegas, Havasu Mucho Grande, Thunderdome paintball, Dodgers vs. Giants, Cal vs. SC/UCLA, 49ers vs. Rams, poker nights, Yeezy Concerts, Tough Mudders, Escobar Tours in Medellín, New Orleans gator boats, Dunn’s River Falls, Manny Paqcuiao/Money Mayweather fights, fishing Big Bear Lake, long distance cycling trips, weddings, funerals, and the births of all our kids who will carry the torch for us when our games are done. Shit’s been epic. 

How much longer will you stay in your role as commissioner?

Lennon: I’ll be the Commissioner for as long as the league will have me. Eric Doyle (aka Penthouse Pimps) entrusted me with the duty in 2005, and I’ve tried my best to earn his and every league member's trust ever since. Let’s keep the party going! Who got it better than us? 

“Nooo-body!”

2017 AGS Thunderdome Draft. Team names, back row from the left: T. Ruth, The Sugandese, Rudy’s Replacements, Ambassadors of Quan, Penthouse Pimps, Rebel Scum.
Front row from the left: Palos Verdes Prime Time, New Jax City, Cebert Frogs (and the tadpole), Who’s Coming in 2nd?.
Not pictured: FU PAY ME! and The Curse.